Unethical thoughts, Fear of Rejection and Hepeating
Dear Irene,
Hey girl. I really like this guy in my Physics class but I recently found out that he's married through Facebook.....
But we've been messaging since the first day of school. I confronted him and he told me that he's married because they have a kid together. But he also confessed he didn't love her. So.... my question is, Should I keep talking to him even though he's a married man but doesn't love his wife? I'm so confused because I really want more then just friends. My lady parts want him.. What should I do??? or should I stop talking to married men? Please help this confused lover.
Sincerely,
Hannah Montana
Dear Hannah,
You should immediately stop messaging and flirting with this married man. I would like you to take a long walk in his wife’s shoes for a day. Imagine yourself being married to this man and he meets another woman. He tells this woman that he doesn’t love you, he’s only married to you for the sake of the children and that he wants to have an affair. Wouldn’t you be devastated if your husband behaved in this manner? Also, have you considered what you might say to his wife if she confronted you about y’all’s exchange of messages on Facebook. Especially, after the fact that you found out he is married. You must realize that if you pursue this man to satisfy your need for sexual gratification that it is not a relationship. It’s just sex. He’s not your boyfriend. He’s not your significant other. He most certainly cannot be your husband because he’s already married. He cannot be a partner because he already has one. Remember, if he will cheat with you then he will cheat on you. This man has already shown you that he is incapable of having a committed relationship if he is willing to cheat on his wife. I understand that you want more from this man but he doesn’t have anything other than sex to give. Don’t throw away your dignity for a stolen moment with another woman's husband. You’re worth more.
-Irene
Hi Irene,
Sometimes I feel like a doormat for others wants and needs. It’s like everytime someone wants something I always say yes. How can I say no more often without feeling bad about it. I hate feeling guilty but holy crap I can’t stand it anymore.
Sincerely, Captain Doormat
Dear Captain Doormat,
The feeling bad, guilt and allowing others to treat you disrespectfully are birthed out of a fear of rejection. You allow yourself to be used and walked over because you perceive that being agreeable is a form of acceptance. It’s not. I’ll let you in on a little secret. The people that genuinely value you as a person can and will accept no for an answer. Especially, when forcing you to say yes puts you in a compromising situation. It’s natural for you to feel fed up and unable to withstand such pressure. You are a limited resource and constantly allowing others to use you can be draining. At this point it’s not about saying no more often. It’s time to change the narrative of your life. I know it may seem cliche but you truly are the captain of your own fate. My advice is quite simple. Choose YOU first and make yourself a priority as opposed to being someone else's option.
-Irene
Greetings Irene
At my work, I am constantly being “hepeated”. I hate when I suggest an idea during a meeting and it's ignored, but then a guy says same thing and everyone loves it. How can I stop this because it is really driving me crazy.
All the best, W
Dear Casting Your Pearls before Swine aka W,
Stop. If your great ideas are being stolen, repackaged and presented by a colleague then stop presenting them with the goods. Honor your creativity like the valuables in your home. You wouldn’t leave your house with the door wide open so stop leaving your creativity on the table for others to take ownership. If you’re really seeking to change your workplace and improve processes then I would suggest that you submit your ideas in a formal business plan and copyright your work, if needed. The moment you formalize your plan is when it becomes more than just an idea. It becomes a document of reference and quite possibly a legal point of reference. Maintain your sanity. Stop making spontaneous moves and start drafting your playbook.
-Irene