Emotional Abuse, Coming Out and Other Concerns

Hello Irene,

Everytime I try to break up with my girlfriend she threatens to harm herself. I feel trapped and stuck in this relationship and she is making no effort what so ever to change so it’s like why the hell am I in this. And now i can’t leave? PLEASE tell me what to do because this is just not healthy.

-Caged bird


Dear Caged Bird,

It’s never okay to feel like you have to be in a relationship or stay with an emotionally unstable person. You have every right to end it and you should not feel obligated to stay. If your girlfriend threatens to harm herself, contact 911 immediately and provide emergency dispatch with her name, age, description, location and the exact threat. When she is threatening to harm herself, it’s no longer about the death of a relationship. Their life and safety become paramount. Make the call and allow the trained professionals to sort out her mental health issues. You can leave. It is not your responsibility to counsel her and monitor her behavior. Being threatened with “I can’t live without you” or “If you leave me, I’m going to harm myself” is abusive and emotionally manipulative. Safety is the key word. You need to feel safe in any relationship and have a sense of well-being. The Suicide Prevention Hotline is an excellent resource. Please give them a call at 1-800-273-8255.

-Irene


Dear Irene,

I know I might be gay but i don’t know how to tell my mom. There has gotta be an easier way to this because my biggest fear is that if i tell her she’ll look at me and say “no you aren’t” and that’ll be it. That’s obviously worst case scenario because i also think she could take it well but the uncertainty with this is just too overwhelming for me and everytime i think about doing it, I chicken out.

Love, IM GAY


Dear I’M GAY,

It takes a tremendous amount of courage to come out. I understand your coming out can be a big deal. It’s understandable that you’re concerned about how your mother may handle that information. However, there are a few things you should consider before making the decision to tell your mother that you might be gay. You may want to consider how it will affect your overall relationship or living situation if you live with her Also, consider if your mother would share this information with others. Would you would rather tell them on your own terms? Is there a new person in your life that she needs to meet? Questions like these will allow you to make a well informed decision. Your mother should love you regardless and respect your decision. At the end of the day you should be accepted for who you are.

-Irene


Hi Irene,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for several years and we have been living together for 3 years. I like to go out and attend concerts and fun events around San Antonio. He enjoys hanging out with his friends and family. Which is not a problem at all but i feel like when it comes to the things i want to do he never wants to join. I find myself attending events or concerts without him. How can I encourage him to go out and enjoy some of the activities that I like to do?

Signed, Taken but lonely

Dear Taken but lonely,

You have been in a long term relationship with your boyfriend for quite some time. It’s okay to have different interests in a relationship. Although, there must be a common bond that keeps you both together. I would encourage you both to rediscover that common bond. Plan an evening together. Go to a favorite restaurant, see a band you both enjoy or maybe take an evening stroll down the River Walk. If you really want your boyfriend to try new things and become an active participant in the things that you enjoy, start meeting in the middle. I hope this helps. Please write back and provide an update.

-Irene